i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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