im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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