Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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