if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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