That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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