I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
