At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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