The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
