i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
