Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
