just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
