capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
