I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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