Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
