thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
