I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
