Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
