i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
