Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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