This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
