through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
