Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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