how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
