I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
