I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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