I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
