This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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