You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
