dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
