Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think my mom watched the whole time
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
