I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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