only if we run a train.
done.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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