You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
