Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
