you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
