They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
