You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
