i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
