blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
