i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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