Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
