Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
