Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
