where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
