I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize