My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
