these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
