make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
