just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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