I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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