I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
