the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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