she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
