I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
