wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
