Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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