Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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