I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
