i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
