Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
