i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
