That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
