Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
