I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
