Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
