I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
