I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
