Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
