you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize