Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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