Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize