Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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