saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
