if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
